Ask anyone around Cincinnati where the best amusement parks are in a radius of, say, 200 miles and you’ll probably get two responses. One sits in Mason, the other near Sandusky.
But if you’re a frequenter of Cincinnati Refined, you now know of another one. Because for the last month we’ve been doing a deep dive into Louisville’s Kentucky Kingdom & Hurricane Bay. We covered its enormous wave pools, its world-class thrill rides, and its informative animal shows. We even got the low-down on everything new in 2018, including a craft beer garden and a 5D cinema.
We conclude today with two simple propositions. The first exists very much in the context of those Mason- and Sandusky-sited competitors, and it concerns everyone’s least favorite activity outside the British Isles—waiting in line.
The British affectionately call it “queuing.” Great for them. Stateside we call it “an incalculable waste of time.” But hey, it’s just supply and demand, right? You’re a roller coaster nut. You wanna ride roller coasters. There’s only this or that place to do it, so you have to wait in line.
That, my friend, is where you’re wrong. Why? Well, we could go the route of “informational asymmetry and imperfect market conditions,” but the long and short of it is this: Because Kentucky Kingdom & Hurricane Bay has no lines.
Or at any rate it has smaller ones. Smaller than the vast, serpentine, “Dear God where does it end?” lines of Mason and Sandusky, in which the following symptoms will appear: dehydration, nausea, misplaced kids, and soul-crushing ennui. Then someone asks you to hold their place, and you reply that regrettably you cannot, for you have lost the will to go on.
You also begin to wonder whether the cash you laid down for a day of fun is really worth it when 80 percent of said day is spent standing upright in the heat. And that leads me nicely into proposition two, which concerns a deal you can’t pass up.
If you’re an out-of-state visitor to Kentucky Kingdom & Hurricane Bay—that is, if you live in Ohio or Indiana—a day pass is only $39.95! And get this, if you decide to come back the next day, you get in free! The deal also includes a wristband that entitles you to free soft drinks all day long!
All of which sets the stage for the following scene: You’ve just finished a refreshing diet, your kids are all accounted for, everyone’s having a great time, and you’re about to get on a world-class roller coaster without having had to wait for more than a few minutes. Then, to your own astonishment, you wonder why you would ever consider going anywhere else.
Kentucky Kingdom & Hurricane Bay is located at 937 Phillips Lane (40209)